Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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