allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
