I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
