Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
