then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
