Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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