dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
