theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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