mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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