We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
