wrigley field is MILF paradise
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Boobs speak an international language.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
