I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
whose parrot is this?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
