just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
