Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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