Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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