He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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