Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
