So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
