It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
