how can u be prego again
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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