It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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