No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
