i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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