eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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