Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
