Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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