The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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