I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
