what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
