a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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