birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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