this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
