At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
