"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
