We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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