No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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