Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
