The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
