Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
