theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
