Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
