Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
