Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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