You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
