I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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