just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
