life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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