Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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