erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
