areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
