I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
