I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
