ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
